Let me start out by saying I had such an awful year in 2016. It was by far the hardest year I’ve ever been through. I’ve had tough years before but last year was exceptionally horrid. I’m going to be honest and say I even for a few months went through a small depression. Being the optimist that I truly am I tried very hard to cope & luckily with prayer & patience I was able to pull myself out of that dark place. Thank you lord. This year started & I was especially looking forward to my birthday ..March 6th! Pisces ! I was born in 88 & I love this time of year! Just a bit before spring showers but just leaving winter…the air is fresh & cool. The smell of rain is everywhere & flowers are starting to bloom just in time for Easter. My husband has been this encouraging birthday planner the past few years. Mine in particular. He’s been doing such a great job at surprising me every year! This year with a trip to Napa Ca. We stopped at a little town 20 miles away from Down town napa. Yountville ca. Yountville is an incorporated town in Napa County, California, United States. It is in the North Bay portion of the San Francisco Bay Area. The town’s name is derived from the name of early pioneer George Calvert Yount. Yount was considered responsible for establishing the first vineyard in the Napa Valley. Every little shop & restaurant was so perfectly maintained & the architecture is eye catching. I loved it! Our first stop was at Kollar Chocolates. http://www.kollarchocolates.com
This was actually my first time at a chocolatier shop. I’m a huge fan of chocolate & I was pleased my husband took a special interest in planning a dessert party later that evening. For 32.50 I selected my own assortment of these beautifully crafted chocolates that look like little pieces of fine crafted art! Across the strip was another favorite of mine Bouchon Bakery😍 just down the street from The French Laundry restraunt…this adorable little slice of heaven was exactly that! Offering the most delightful tasting pasteries & baked goods. I ordered the macaroons; salted caramel, raspberry & pistachio. My mouth waters thinking about how great they were😩🙌🏼 both dessert shop & bakery selections kept me grinning ear to ear. We took in the air and enjoyed other shops on the strip. The feel & vibe was so peaceful. The art galleries made me feel right at home & the boutique shops were pricey but extreamly adorable as well. This little town was beautiful. The weather was perfect for our visit. I will defiantly visit again. After that we were off to check into our room. Hawthorne Suites in down town Napa ca was comfortable & the cleanliness was a 10/10. To my surprise our king bed was exactly what my body needed & the showcase of our room went to the jacuzzi next to our bed. I couldn’t ask for more! So much fun.For my birthday dinner my husband surprised me with reservations at Celadon napa. https://www.celadonnapa.com/
This amazing restaurant was tucked away off of one of the main streets in down town napa almost hidden. It truly is a gem. Let me just compliment how amazing this place was…from food to service to the entire layout & feel..10/10! My husband & I are undercover foodies & this spot is now on our favorites list! Our three course meal was smart & sexy. It was classy & priced accurately. I give two thumbs up to the chef & owner. They know exactly what they are doing! Leaving we walked along downtown napas streets wet from the days earlier rain. I couldn’t have had a better birthday. It was in fact everything I have been needing. I realized that My husband knows me very well. From my tastes, to my love of scenery. From where my heart is with art & architecture to my love for amazing foods & desserts. He knows me. With all the confusion in a persons life it feels incredible to have a soul next to you who understands you completely. I was so thankful. My heart was filled with complete bliss & gratitude.
The night before our trip I had a sudden rush of fear & anxiety. Lying there..next to my love…my heart grew heavy..a sudden realization that I was in fact aging. The thought of me getting older for the first time scared me. How could I be this age & still not have accomplished all the things I’ve wanted for myself for years? …there were so many emotions building in me at one time that all I could do was tense up & squeez the blanket tighter & ask god to ease my emerging pain. Then all at once my anxiety subsided & I was filled with a warm soothing feeling. This acknowledgment that I actually have so much to be thankful for. My list went like this in my head;
I shed a tear & thanked god for reminding me that I indeed have more than most & I should be focusing on my “haves” & not my “have nots”.
My two beautiful boys. Life without them would be meaningless. My entire being would not exist if I had chose to be motherless. These boys made me the woman I am today. My humbleness & humility comes entirely from them.
My husband; with every ounce of love & compassion left to give & share with another soul I reach to him. My partner, my best friend. This man & I have fought for one year against our love out of immaturity & pride..& yet every time we come close to the end, we are always reminded that our unity is beautiful & much needed. Going to war together & not against each other we have grown & continue to learn & build our love.
My sobriety; my young adult life was spent being a teen mother. For most of my teenage years I was sheltered away from drugs & addiction taking care of my first child. Although my biological father is in fact an addict. I experimented with things I’m not proud of but luckily nothing was able to take over my heart & soul. I knew early on that those places were dark & ugly & I refused to go there. That made me feel strength in myself…& brings me to….
My sanity; my mother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder some years ago. Long story short I became a worry wart that I’d end up just like her. Unable to tell the difference in reality. I was horrified at the thought of not being present. Of not being aware. I take pride in having my full capable sanity. I find myself combatting differences within my artistic side but I digress…I’m thankful for my thoughts & I know confidently that I do not share her illness.
My health; we wake every morning & forget to thank god for the simple pleasures. The ability to see & touch & taste & smell…I don’t forget. This night of worry & anxiety I reached over & touched my husbands back. I was alive. He was alive. I could here my sons breathing as he slept. I peered over the bed frame & studied his little body in the dark. He looked so peaceful. I shed a tear & tasted the salty liquid. It was happiness. I was alive & healthy to be present & experience this life I shared with the ones I loved. No illness. No physical aigelments obstructing me from the lords gifts. I was blessed.
Turning 29? Bitter? Resentful? Empty? Unsure? Hateful? Scared? Confused?Nope.
In many years before I was all of those things. But this year, this year was different. This year I was proud, sure, happy, safe, confident, content & blissful. This year I felt important. This year I feel like I matter. & not just to the loved ones around me..this year I matter to myself.
Xo, Sarah 💋