Emails: Sending Peace & Love to Distant family members 

Part 1

I woke up this morning groggy. I’m pretty sure it’s the little electric heater we have plugged in that causes all this fuss with our stuffy noses & scratchy throats. I did my usual scan through of missed calls & messages. I went through my play list on Spotify. Then I opened my email for any updates on my current school enrollment. I’m always surprised when I open my email. I swear to you that I literally get hit with the most random set of messages. My overstuffed inbox holds just like most of you, thousands of useless spam & junk subscriptions, flyers, coupons etc. But in the middle of all these trashed items I get little reminders that my email is of good use. This morning, it wasn’t one of those reminders. I haven’t been blogging as much as I’d like to be lately & after deactivating all of my social media accounts, I found myself puzzled at the email titled YOUR UNCLE in big caps. 

First, I have no idea anymore who viewed, followed or checked up on any of my accounts before they were taken down. I don’t have a massive following but I will say that 5k plus people is a lot to navigate through. & who really has the time for that? Plus, I’m of the manner to just post & go. Post the things I want when I want for the reasons I want & keep it moving. I’m an adult I feel with my own agenda & it’s been that way for quite some time. I don’t mean to sound like an arrogant little bitch but my life online has always caused some sort of commotion among family, that I rarely pay any attention to their comments & side disagreements. When you’ve taken care of yourself, by yourself, the best way you know how(the only way you learn how) you grow up feeling a little more entitled to your own freedom of anything & everything. My way may not have been the best way, but it kept me safe, healthy, sober & sane. I look at my life now & think, “damn, half of those family members that judge & pick apart my doings & turn their nose at my post, if I had them in my life daily, would I be a better more full of life and love individual?” 

The answer is probably not. Now don’t get me wrong, I have great interest in my distant family. I’m actually so excited to be searching deeper into my heritage. With a little swab of saliva & for just $99.00 through the mail, you get an entire overview of your bloodline! This excites me since so much of my family history is clouded. 

This brings me to my point; if you are connected to the people in your family through blood & heritage & generations of genes & traits, how is it a person can still feel entirely disconnected all together from those exact people? I have not had much interaction or communication with my mothers side of the family for some time. As a child, this used to bother me. I was puzzled over not knowing wether I was important in their eyes. Wether my whereabouts mattered all together. Along with my younger siblings, we managed to show up sporadically to family events. Our mother was never present, but I’m sure with having us there in her sted, it made the rest of her siblings & cousins feel comfortable. My siblings & I never felt comfort. We always felt awkward & unsure. Behind the laughter, hugging & smiles, we knew things weren’t right. Were we the pity children? The kids from that one sister or daughter. Stephanie’s kids. My step father, bless him, did his best at urging us to remain connected. Forceful at times. I think back now & I can’t believe I was forced to sit & share moments with individuals who probably had no intention of real love & genuine concern for me & my future. This leads me to believe my mother & her siblings were probably not as close as they say, or that my mother was possibly very rotten & treated her siblings with disrespect. It could also be that life takes its course & my mothers family didn’t feel it their obligation to make her memory known. Maybe discussing her would cause them pain? Nevertheless, our distant relationship (my siblings & I) with both our mother & her family is odd & somewhat bothersome. 

Receiving the email I did & puzzling over its meaning made me feel irritated. Here I am living life, taking care of myself, By MYSELF & a distant family member has the nerve to question my doings in a way that seemed so intrusive. It was one simple question & yet caused so much aggravation this morning. It peirced me & brought back so many feelings, I immediately had to blog about it just to get the feelings out of me & put to rest. Now that I’ve realeased this I feel so much better. I almost want to say thank you Uncle. Thank you for being that very inappropriate person I remember growing up. If you’re reading this, just know that your email was received. I’m also amazed that you even found or follow my blog. Wether someone sent you the link or you found it yourself, I’m happy you’re taking interest in at least my writing. Sending lots of positive love & peace your way. 

The things I post or DO NOT post are a reflection of me. If I choose to not post my children, what they’re doing every second of the day, what they ate that day & etc. that’s my business. The internet is not a place for children anyways in my eyes. Their identity is so precious & social media , regardless of how capable I am to take the precautions to protect them, I still feel it isn’t their choice. They don’t see what I post, therefore I’m posting their faces for the sake of what? So my distant family members can peer into my life? Why not contact me & invite me & my sons over & you can ask all the things you want to know. lol 

 I am who I am & I love myself. I love the woman I’m becoming & I love the beautiful people I choose to surround myself with. My heart is full & I feel I have all the love in my life I need at the moment. I do not feel unsure or worried. I’m more confident than I have ever been. And with so much love in my heart, I want to remind others that it is possible to open your emails & not cringe. If you take a moment to understand that anyone from anywhere can send hate & discouragement to you, poison as I call it, but you can choose to send love & peace back to them. You can choose to send love. 
Xo, Sarah 💋

Sugar glass Art

Glass blowing has always been an interesting art to me, so the molding & melting of sugar almost acts as that replacement. Sugar molds & cools rather quick so melting pieces together requires patience. The end result is so worth it. I tried the solubility technique instead of the dry caramel melting. That’s just a scientific way to say simple syrup or water mixed with sugar. About 15 min later with a cup & a half of sugar mixed with about 3/4s cup of water the sugar solution on med’high heat shows signs of transformation. Displaying a pale yellow gold color. Bringing to a boil and every now & then stirring with a fork. After about 20 min the sugar takes color of a brown syrupy soup. Once this happens we removed it from the heat all together & begain adding air by way of scooping the sugar syrup with a spoon, lifting and letting the syrup drizzle down back into the pot in a water fall trickle motion. 

I watched a few versions of this process on YouTube & after feeling confidently enough to move forward I felt like a pro! This was such a cool project! 

I didn’t have much to work with as far as a non stick surface so I set aside two pieces of parchment paper for my husband & I. Our first try was a complete fail. More like a fun experiment ..testing the waters to see how the end results would be. After realizing the sugar was not breaking away from the paper & more like melting to it, we decided to ditch the paper & work on molding. I wiped the bottom of a bowl & a small measuring cup with vegetable oil. We begin covering both with the sugar. As it cooled we noticed how crystal & glass like it resembled. So beautiful. We didn’t have food coloring or food flavoring but we enjoyed the process just the same. After the sugar cooled we peeled it off of our bases. As expected my sugar molding cracked in different areas..I realized then how delicate yet strong sugar can be. What an amazing oxymoron! My husbands mold was in perfect shape! We decided after examining each of our sugar creations to join them together. My husband brought out his lighter & begin melting my broken sugar shards to his. This was the end result 

 I will definitely try this again & have even researched more on this topic. I’d love to experiment with colors & possibly silicone moldings next.   

Turning 29♊️💦🐠💖

Let me start out by saying I had such an awful year in 2016. It was by far the hardest year I’ve ever been through. I’ve had tough years before but last year was exceptionally horrid. I’m going to be honest and say I even for a few months went through a small depression. Being the optimist that I truly am I tried very hard to cope & luckily with prayer & patience I was able to pull myself out of that dark place. Thank you lord. This year started & I was especially looking forward to my birthday ..March 6th! Pisces ! I was born in 88 & I love this time of year! Just a bit before spring showers but just leaving winter…the air is fresh & cool. The smell of rain is everywhere & flowers are starting to bloom just in time for Easter. My husband has been this encouraging birthday planner the past few years. Mine in particular. He’s been doing such a great job at surprising me every year! This year with a trip to Napa Ca.  We stopped at a little town 20 miles away from Down town napa. Yountville ca. Yountville is an incorporated town in Napa County, California, United States. It is in the North Bay portion of the San Francisco Bay Area. The town’s name is derived from the name of early pioneer George Calvert Yount. Yount was considered responsible for establishing the first vineyard in the Napa Valley. Every little shop & restaurant was so perfectly maintained & the architecture is eye catching. I loved it! Our first stop was at Kollar Chocolates. http://www.kollarchocolates.com

This was actually my first time at a chocolatier shop. I’m a huge fan of chocolate & I was pleased my husband took a special interest in planning a dessert party later that evening.   For 32.50 I selected my own assortment of these beautifully crafted chocolates that look like little pieces of fine crafted art! Across the strip was another favorite of mine Bouchon Bakery😍 just down the street from The French Laundry restraunt…this adorable little slice of heaven was exactly that! Offering the most delightful tasting pasteries & baked goods. I ordered the macaroons; salted caramel, raspberry & pistachio. My mouth waters thinking about how great they were😩🙌🏼 both dessert shop & bakery selections kept me grinning ear to ear. We took in the air and enjoyed other shops on the strip. The feel & vibe was so peaceful. The art galleries made me feel right at home & the boutique shops were pricey but extreamly adorable as well. This little town was beautiful. The weather was perfect for our visit. I will defiantly visit again. After that we were off to check into our room. Hawthorne Suites in down town Napa ca was comfortable & the cleanliness was a 10/10. To my surprise our king bed was exactly what my body needed & the showcase of our room went to the jacuzzi next to our bed. I couldn’t ask for more! So much fun.For my birthday dinner my husband surprised me with reservations at Celadon napa. https://www.celadonnapa.com/

This amazing restaurant was tucked away off of one of the main streets in down town napa almost hidden. It truly is a gem. Let me just compliment how amazing this place was…from food to service to the entire layout & feel..10/10! My husband & I are undercover foodies & this spot is now on our favorites list! Our three course meal was smart & sexy. It was classy & priced accurately. I give two thumbs up to the chef & owner. They know exactly what they are doing! Leaving we walked along downtown napas streets wet from the days earlier  rain. I couldn’t have had a better birthday. It was in fact everything I have been needing. I realized that My husband knows me very well. From my tastes, to my love of scenery. From where my heart is with art & architecture to my love for amazing foods & desserts. He knows me. With all the confusion in a persons life it feels incredible to have a soul next to you who understands you completely. I was so thankful. My heart was filled with complete bliss & gratitude.

The night before our trip I had a sudden rush of fear & anxiety. Lying there..next to my love…my heart grew heavy..a sudden realization that I was in fact aging. The thought of me getting older for the first time scared me. How could I be this age & still not have accomplished all the things I’ve wanted for myself for years? …there were so many emotions building in me at one time that all I could do was tense up & squeez the blanket tighter & ask god to ease my emerging pain. Then all at once my anxiety subsided & I was filled with a warm soothing feeling. This acknowledgment that I actually have so much to be thankful for. My list went like this in my head;

My childeren

My husband

My sobriety

My Sanity

My health.

I shed a tear & thanked god for reminding me that I indeed have more than most & I should be focusing on my “haves” & not my “have nots”.

My two beautiful boys. Life without them would be meaningless. My entire being would not exist if I had chose to be motherless. These boys made me the woman I am today. My humbleness & humility comes entirely from them. 

My husband; with every ounce of love & compassion left to give & share with another soul I reach to him. My partner, my best friend. This man & I have fought for one year against our love out of immaturity & pride..& yet every time we come close to the end, we are always reminded that our unity is beautiful & much needed. Going to war together & not against each other we have grown & continue to learn & build our love. 

My sobriety; my young adult life was spent being a teen mother. For most of my teenage years I was sheltered away from drugs & addiction taking care of my first child. Although my biological father is in fact an addict. I experimented with things I’m not proud of but luckily nothing was able to take over my heart & soul. I knew early on that those places were dark & ugly & I refused to go there. That made me feel strength in myself…& brings me to….

My sanity; my mother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder some years ago. Long story short I became a worry wart that I’d end up just like her. Unable to tell the difference in reality. I was horrified at the thought of not being present. Of not being aware. I take pride in having my full capable sanity. I find myself combatting differences within my artistic side but I digress…I’m thankful for my thoughts & I know confidently that I do not share her illness.

My health; we wake every morning & forget to thank god for the simple pleasures. The ability to see & touch & taste & smell…I don’t forget. This night of worry & anxiety I reached over & touched my husbands back. I was alive. He was alive. I could here my sons breathing as he slept. I peered over the bed frame & studied his little body in the dark. He looked so peaceful. I shed a tear & tasted the salty liquid. It was happiness. I was alive & healthy to be present & experience this life I shared with the ones I loved. No illness. No physical aigelments obstructing me from the lords gifts. I was blessed.

Turning 29? Bitter? Resentful? Empty? Unsure? Hateful? Scared? Confused?Nope.

In many years before I was all of those things. But this year, this year was different. This year I was proud, sure, happy, safe, confident, content & blissful. This year I felt important. This year I feel like I matter. & not just to the loved ones around me..this year I matter to myself.
Xo, Sarah 💋

🎨💖❤ yogurtland 

I’m literally so obsessed with our little wall art we’ve been painting!(I say little but I totally had to use a stool for most of this) It’s almost complete & I couldn’t ask for more! The results of just our random artistic skills at their best. My husband & I decided a while ago that the love & fire between us is at its best when we both tap into our artistic sides & mesh them together. It has kept us thriving❤ Our ideas for this piece came entirely spur the moment & just as crazy & exciting as it looks in pictures, in person it’s that much better. We both laughed at how different our brains work while painting! he’s just recently taken on the part of my personal photographer 😂🙌🏼 like how could he keep adding to his qualities? I love this man! I can’t wait to sit back & gaze on our finished work. Thinking maybe of putting a glaze over to finish it off but not sure. Our room has so much character now & im in love with how vibrant & beautiful the colors lend a hand in keeping positive vibes in our little temple of peace & love. Yogurt land …🍭💦🌈🎨

Art🎨💥

Art was always & will always be a big part of my life. I couldn’t imagine surviving half the hardships I’ve been through in life without being able to express myself through Art. Loving it so much so that I actually married a man named Art(Arthur) No in all honestly, I fell that much deeper in love with him because of his passion for art as well. As a child I entered art contests & actually won 2nd place in a rodeo art contest in Houston Texas attending Clark Elementary school. After that I was hooked. Painting, sketching, drawing every chance I got. One thing I learned was to never trace or pass other artists work off as my own. I wanted the genuine recognition when I was truly proud of a piece I’d done. As I grew so did my talent & expression. Colors, textures, styles, patterns, etc. I still can’t get enough. My personality comes through everything I paint. Every drawing. Every  stroke. Some of my early work was very dark & had a sort of sexual feel about it. I drew lots of woman. Posing, naked, dressed provocatively..

I knew I wasn’t a pro but I didn’t care, with your passion you feel to perfect it you must attain all the knowledge in getting better, but with me I still wanted to keep my personal artistic genius that hadn’t been tainted yet by social & current pop cultural life. There’s a great Ted Talks video with Elizabeth Gilbert on our Elusive Creative Genuis. Artists, you must watch!!!!!

Elizabeth Gilbert (one of my favorite writers) speaks about the creative genuis inside us & how if we choose to acknowledge it in the way of a totally separate entity, thing, it, that, him/her, he/she..we will not be undone by this gift. I have to be honest, Some of my greatest work was created when I was doing horrible everywhere else in life. My relationships, my job, my belief in good things were all very tainted yet my artistic work was blossiming. It was actually hard to give myself a pat on the back for my work when everything else was so shitty. Gilbert speaks very close about that situation. The correlation between disaster & beautiful creation.   

Body painting was a simple transition from paper to flesh. I instantly fell in love. Everything about this process intrigued me to attempt more projects.   I started posting more of my work as an adult & recieved mixed opinions from my audience. On one side we had the complete lovers & supporters of everything I did, on the other side there was the negative comments about nudity & perversion & my blatant disrespect for morals. In the middle were the silent observers. I didn’t care, I kept painting & doing everything in my power to express openly my love & passion for my source of therapy. Art had now become my happiness & addiction. I was no longer using it to escape from the pain, I was allowing art to use me & take me places. Being paid for doing something you love is beyond a blessing. Being booked for art shows, functions, fundraisers, parties, & social events has been so amazing. My children will know as adults how much art saved their mother. I will remind them to follow their dreams & never let anyone tell them their ideas aren’t worthy. My most recent work was with an organization by the name CultureStrike of Oakland ca. Paired with Fathers & Families of Sacramento ca. To help shine light on the very low numbers in minority & ethnic voters in America. These A boards were meant to attract young Hispanic & Mexican American voters during the 2016 presidential race. On Election Day & in years to come these will be placed all over Sacramento Ca voting poles. I’m very proud to be apart of this movement & im so pleased using Art I was able to lend a hand with such a powerful message. 

I know now my heart will always be where Art is. Always. I’m in the process of looking very seriously into Art schools. I’m so excited I recently got a brochure in the mail for AI. The Art Institute college! Wish me luck! I want to say thank you to all of my supporters who have backed me & pushed me to keep going with my passion & dreams! I love you! I also want to thank those of you who have laughed at my expense & did not believe in me. Your negativity was fule to continue on my artistic journey! A career that you love is Possible. I’m now in search of just that & my future looks very bright! To my fellow artists: never stop creating!! And believe in yourself! 

❤A special thank you to my husband for supporting my dreams with as much passion to match my own. He loves my work & continues to push me to get better. If he’s not being my encouraging  cheerleader, he’s right beside me as my painting sidekick, Making me fall deeper in love with him. I love you baby. 

Xo Sary

☀️🔥💥Healing power of the Sun & Mother Nature 

In Roman tradition, Helios was simply translated by the Latin word “Sol” meaning “Sun”. “Helios” is just the Greek word for sun. He was also worshipped as a god by the Greek, especially in Rhodes.

The sun can be so soothing. To think that this firy star is our life force (humans) just as water is. We need him like every other living life force on this planet. But with balance of course. Too much of him can be deadly. Our epidermis, our environment etc. can all be at the mercy of his terrible but beautiful power. I personally love the sun. The warmth, the heat. I welcome it. I consider myself lucky to be alive & breathing with as much vitamin c in my system as possible. I have considered all the repercussions I’ll be dealing with later in my adult life, but for now he is my friend. Like that of the Water god, the sun god speaks to me & is ever so inviting. Mother Nature (sometimes known as Mother Earth or the Earth-Mother) is a common personification of nature that focuses on the life-giving and nurturing aspects of nature by embodying it, in the form of the mother. Mother Nature is so beautiful. You can not call yourself “being in touch” if you have little or no respect for our world around us. The deep connection I feel when I’m emmersed in scenic surroundings, or when I’m soaking perspiration because I’ve allowed my body to partner with Helios for the day..I’m greatful. I thank god im alive & able to experience his beauty. The next time you’re able to take notice of the gifts you are givin( the sun, the moon, our trees, our water & animals) show gratitude. Be thankful you are blessed to be alive & experience the miracle of life around you. 

Sickkkkkk

The only thing worse than being sick is..,wait nothing ..possibly death, or maybe even slow death..no seriously being sick is awful. You sit & pack your body full of fluids & vitamins & work out & take meds & take baths & drink soup (yes drink) & tell yourself you’ll be ok. All the while the world is turning & still active. While you lye & try to heal, everything & everyone keeps on. This is the worst part about being sick. Not being able to function normally in scociety. Maybe it’s natures way of telling you to slow down & rest. If nothing else gets you resting..being a full on contagious mess should. & while I’d love to be this selfish gross coughing mess in public, my conscience won’t allow me to pass on strep throat to anyone else. That’s the Selfless Sarah. Can I please just get better? Can’t I will the sickness out of my body like a mystic enchantress with mighty power? Or the guru who meditates for hours & forces all foreign things out of his body?  Can’t a sister get a break?!!! Oh duh, I’m bed ridden. Btw, I just dropped my phone on my chest packed with Vix, I hate life right now. If you’re reading this I totally apologize for sounding like a whining bitch. Here’s the thing, I’m a total flake & yet somehow people still try to depend on me & ask for either favors & or help with tasks they know I’m good with..I.e hair & makeup, facepainting for parties, babysitting, taxiing to & from appts etc.., I’ve said yes & have never kept my word on more than one occasion. I’ve also said no & have been given silent treatment. But there are a handful of times I’ve actually surprised family, friends & lovers with showing up & lending my most complete self to help & support them..this is why I’m assuming they continue to ask..I digress, I’m sapose to pick up & drop off my father this morning to have a small surgery. I’ll also be picking him back up after & taking him home. Why I woke up with strep throat on a day when I’m really needed is totally beyond me but this happens in my life constantly. When I say constantly I’m not  exagerating. Now, I could totally blow this off & tell him he’ll need to find another ride so I can heal & get rest & get healthy, but the past frosted flake in me knows better. I’m keeping my word & for the next few hours I will be dragging myself to my car, driving to his house, transporting him to the surgery center at our nearest hospital & dropping him off. All the while masking how horrible I feel. There’s a big sort of guilt one feels when they get dubbed the name “flake”. Ive felt it on more times in my young adult life than need be I’m sure. Anyhow, I’m off. Wish me luck, pray my acting skills come into play. 
Xo sary